Hello World!

It's been a while that I blogged and my amazing friends have been encouraging me to do so again. I had stopped because I needed some clarity in life - call it midlife crisis. Not completely over it but definitely moving on. So, I'm back to doing something I really enjoy, although it may take me a while to get used to blogging again. Thank you to everyone who gently, and not so gently, reminded me that I should update the blog soon. Simple words or actions can be so impactful though the person on the giving end does not often realize it.

This should sum it up:

Hello World!

Enough said.

Xoxo :)

Glorious spring is in the air !!

Ah, California! :) I love the bay area (although strangely, it was freezing today at 43 degrees). But ever since my finals got over on Friday, I have fallen in love with this place all over again. I feel free. I love the bright skies. I love walking on Stanford's campus and watching tourists take photos near Hoover Tower or my own residential dorms as a memory of their trip to one of America's top schools. It fills me up with pride but it also reminds me that I should be making the most of my remaining time here because I am fortunate to be here.

To that effect, I am using this spring break to unwind and meet old friends - some of whom are leaving the country for good while others are leaving the area for good. It's great to catch up with old friends because it connects you with the past that brought you to where you are today.

As a side note, I started reading Shobha De's "Incredible India". I have only just begun and quite like it so far. She's opinionated. From her writing, it also looks like her privileged kids don't understand the 'struggles' she's gone through, and take their privileged lives as their birthright. Serves as a good reminder that I do it all the time.

Other things lined up for this spring break which I am looking forward to:
1. Holi Celebrations at Stanford
2. Nandan Nilekani's Lunch Event
3. Lunches/dinners with friends
4. My new diet/fitness regime to gear up for the GSB show in exactly 49 days. Here's a video of GSB show from 2008 of the hip-hop item.

Beyond the invisible

I just got back from a quick run. My music ran out within a few minutes so I had to cut the run short but it felt great nevertheless. The slight chill in the air against my entire face felt refreshing. The light from the full moon gave the basketball court and the grass surrounding it a soft glow.

This songs sums up my mood perfectly. It's by enigma and one of the tracks I listen to for inspiration.

Beyond the Invisible


I look into the mirror
See myself, I'm over me
I need space for my desires
Have to dive into my fantasies
I know as soon as I'll arrive
Everything is possible
Cause no one has to hide
Beyond the invisible
Sajaja bramani totari ta, raitata raitata, radu ridu raitata, rota
The brave and wise men came together on horse
Close your eyes
Just feel and realize
It is real and not a dream
I'm in you and you're in me
It is time
To break the chains of life
If you follow you will see
What's beyond reality
Ne irascaris Domine,
ne ultra memineris iniquitatis:
ecce civitas Sancti facta est deserta:
Sion deserta facta est:
Ierusalem desolata est:
domus sanctificationis tuae et gloriae tuae Do not be angry Lord,
or remember iniquity forever:
behold the Holy City is a desert:
Sion is mad a desert:
Jerusalem is desolate:
the house of your holiness and glory

PS - Feels a bit strange blogging after several months. I hope I can make a smooth transition to blogging again.

One month in.. one year maturer :)

I can't believe it's been a month since I posted an entry. Feels like ages ago! You know your life is really packed with activities when your friend who went for a haircut on Friday talks to you on Saturday and says "I got my haircut last week...oh wait.. was it yesterday?"

Our midterms are starting on Monday which seems weird because we just started school a month or so ago. But when I think about it, that month also seemed to last forever. Can't begin to recap everything that happened but I can touch upon the things that come to my mind first when I think about my experience at Stanford GSB:

1. An amazing circle of friends: We've laughed together, cooked, taken crazy pictures, taken crazier videos, cut birthday cakes at midnight, cried together, summarized 100 pages of reading in 5 minutes before class, discussed philosophy at one end, and debated about bra sizes on the other (don't ask! it was a topic of choice by the boys!). All in all, I feel happy being at GSB because I'm sharing my journey with some really special people.

2. An incredibly talented, smart, warm, funny, and caring community: Although sense of community is built into the structure of GSB, I get first hand experiences through little things like people writing up summaries for midterms and passing it around, or the tradition of a letter passed down by a student of the class of 1988 to the incoming class, or a classmate bringing a cupcake with a candle for every classmate who's birthday it is on that day while the rest of the class sings for him/her, or the encouragement of my CAT sectionmates when I'm presenting a defense on a particular case, or just the random and occasional hugs we give one another just "because".... :) You get the drift.. it's just a happy place to be.

3. Professors and the passion they demonstrate for their classes: It's adorable to watch 50+ year old (or even 30-year old) professors get so excited about what they teach. Animated sessions in Global Management or joyous claims by the finance professor of "feeling so happy" during the lecture on Capital Management Pricing Method of valuing companies. Such pure love of academia! It's positively energizing and contagious (although unfortunately, I can't claim to follow what's going on in class.. but that's the next bullet point)

4. Not getting worked up about academics: So, when I was at undergrad, I cried when I scored 92 on exams if I was expecting 99. Once, a professor of data structures walked over to the women's restroom to give me an earful because she knew I was in one of the stalls crying my heart out at getting a low score (in absolute terms. Relatively, it was okay). She went on to talk about how in life I can't worry about small things like that. It didn't really calm me down much then. But I remembered the incident. Fast-forward to now and I'm pretty pleased at myself for not really caring about what grade I get in class as long as I pass. It doesn't mean I won't be sincere about my work. Just that I'm doing a better job of 'learning to let go'. Things happened to put stuff in perspective for me. But I feel happy that I'm internalizing it versus just saying something else just because I should.

I can go on and on but I have to cut this post short right now because 1) I ran over my allocated time to write this post and 2) My friend got back from her class and I'm going over to chat with her about our respective day today over a piece of chocolate cake =)

Have a great weekend everyone! Oh and Happy Diwali in advance!
I'll be studying for my midterms which start on Monday... and hoping to post something right after they get over.

Seeking Familiarity

It's been a week at Stanford GSB and wow, has it been eventful! From meeting hundreds of new people, to attending welcome dinners, lunches, informational sessions, to BBQs, to settling into the dorm, to making friends, life's been pretty hectic. So, I want to apologize for not writing an entry in a while and also thank everyone who left comments previously. In the spirit of time management, I won't be able to reply to each one but I do read them literally the minute you hit 'submit' (one of those who're addicted to checking emails on blackberry!). As someone said, it'll serve me well at B-school!

I'm keeping this post short because I have a leadership squad team dinner to attend (it's part of a class in which we make groups of 14 people and apply lessons from strategic leadership via interpersonal exercises). I love the fact that Stanford GSB is a concentrated group of some of the smartest individuals in the world. Opportunities to learn about something totally new (like public policy in Greece, solar power projects at Google, or transsexuals in Iran) are endless. Resources are available beyond what you can dream of to explore your own passions and interests. Although it's very exciting, I really wonder if this environment changes our perception of what we can realistically achieve in the world. Several of my classmates have amazingly lofty goals (more power to them!). But if I think of applying one of their goals to India, I'm left with little more than a false hope that I can change the face of mankind. Even if I mingle with the most brilliant minds in the world, the rest of India won't. I've come to realize that the more I expand my horizons, the more it'll be harder for me to relate to anyone else who hasn't had similar experiences. But I still choose this over anything else.

I'm in a bubble again. Only this time, nothing is familiar. But I'm at the right place at the right time (besides the financial situation of the country). I feel mature enough to handle everything (okay, with a few spurts of getting totally stressed out and pressurized). But on the whole, I feel happy. And anytime I feel that I need the familiarity, I put good old Bollywood music and dance freely in my room. Then, I'm at my happiest - back in my comfort zone, back to India, back to the world of glitter and glamor. Hmmm... maybe my true calling is dancing? Guess I have two glorious years to figure that out!

Leaving you with a photo of my entire section after we finished a 60-people exercise on teamwork =)

Slow and steady progress

It's been about a week that I've been back to the bay area and am pretty happy with the progress I've made on getting settled in. The big things for me were 1) getting a phone 2) getting a car 3) renewing my license 4) sorting through all the boxes I've shipped here and only keeping aside the things I need in my first year and 5) getting books. It's amazing how much time everything takes. Buying a car is time-consuming and trying to get by without a phone when there's a lot of coordination to do is pretty tough. Now, I've got a phone (which I love!!). I've sent in photocopies of stuff for my license. My car situation will be finalized by this coming weekend and a friend has promised to give me his books. Fortunately, I found an incredibly amazing support system in my friends, some of whom I only recently got to meet and know. A friend of mine calls himself "lucky" in certain spheres of his life and I'm always reminded of the belief that "good things happen to good people". I don't know what good things I've done, but I sure know that with a friend circle like the one I have, I must have been a saint in a previous life. "awwwww" :)

After giving a royal ego boost to my friends (you know who you are!), I can move onto other stuff. Something more internal. Something involving my personal struggles... and yes, we're back onto the topic of prioritization from a couple posts ago.

Although I'm making progress, I think I can do a LOT better job of knowing about and acting in accordance with my priorities. Blogging at 1:30am as we speak is proof of the fact. More than the fact that I need to respect time a lot more, I'm totally upset with myself about not starting workouts or eating less sugary and more healthy foods. It's weird how much short-term goals can motivate you just as inertia can demotivate you. I know I'm a happier person when I'm more fit but even with that knowledge, I'm not doing anything about it. Is it fatigue and jet lag? Is it because I'm not into modeling anymore? Is it just a growing awareness that I don't need to 'impress' anyone beyond just being myself and resting on my past laurels? Or is it just a slower metabolism because of which I'm storing more fat?! To be fair, I'm not fat but I can be in better shape. And in all honesty, I know I'm making excuses for myself. But I don't know what will make me get back on track. If anyone out there has been through this whole "I feel fat and need to lose weight" thing (uuhh, like every other girl I know), please tell me what you did to get out of the rut. I can surely make do with some pep talk. You just need to hit on the spot that gets me most motivated. But good luck figuring out what that is because in the past, it was about working towards the Miss India pageant.

I'm seriously debating about making my blog my online food & exercise journal. And if I follow it honestly, then I'd begin to feel pretty sheepish writing about all the chocolate brownies, chips, cookies that I'm feasting on everyday. Hmm.... not a bad thought :-D

Anyway, I leave you with photos of myself taken recently and in the past. I have jeans in multiple sizes which tell me how far off I am from my goals. Ideally, I'd like to fit into my hottest, skin tight pair of jeans (see below) in 6 weeks time. Help!

Before photo (aka NOW):



(Desired) After photo:

Little pleasures

I'm in transit at Munich waiting to board the flight to San Francisco. The first leg was great! I saw Kung Fu Panda, read a little, ate, dozed off some and time just flew by. I have to admit though, it felt strange saying bye to mom at the boarding gate. My mind was going, "I'm really going away alone?!" I don't blame myself for feeling this way way. I spent a year in India. And in a country with a population of over a billion people, you never really feel alone because people are everywhere. But since the walk was really just until my seat in the plane, It didn't feel as strange. Only when I landed at Munich and walked several meters to my boarding gate did I realize that I was on my own. Again. And so, I put on some great music from Bachna Aae Hasino on my ipod and with a light bounce in my step that matched the rhthym of the song, I began window shopping at the duty free shops. After getting bored with that (read: after trying on a few perfumes and smelling heavenly), walked over to find my gate, only to retreat back several gates to where I can seen a man strumming on his guitar on the far corner of an empty row of seats. He wore yellow pants, white shirt, glasses, had a far away look as he played some foot tapping south american/latin infused beats. Although everyone turned around to see him as they walked by, noone sat in that row. But I had made a mental note to go back to sit there and enjoy the music after I had found my gate and confirmed my flight. So when I went back, I chose to sit a few seats away and relaxed to the music. It was quite interesting sitting there and watching all the people that passed us by. I observed that:

1. Music can bind people from different cultures, countries and socio-economic backgrounds like nothing else. Whoever passed us by did a double take to see this man strumming away slow melodies on this guitar. Some displayed signs of appreciation as they walked like shuffling their feet, or quietly mimicking playing the piano in the air. It just made me smile and enjoy just being there even more.
2. Children have no pretenses or false fronts. They also are so much free-er. If they dig the music, they'll stop. Adults on the other hand seem to have 'things' to do. In this case, continue walking over to their gate and sit there instead. The only other guy who joined me was apparently another fellow traveler to SFO who looked like a homeless nomad. But he and I got chatting about the amazing guitarist (and complimented the guy too) and it turns out that he too is a musician and plays the flute.
3. Everyone in the world has a story to tell. Several times, I turned my head to look directly at the guitar player and wondered what his story might have been. Perhaps a popular musician in a band that got dismantled, perhaps someone who uses music to escape but is really a CEO of a big dotcom organization (yea, he was also going to SFO). Whatever his deal was, it must be quite unique.
4. People become like children with children around. This was an observation after I got up to walk to my gate. With little kids walking in between rows, older men with poker straight faces begin to play hide and seek (and even smile) watching the children. So cute to watch!
5. Finally, the sad realization that I won't get time to 'sit and stare' much anymore. But as long as I continue to take a few moments once in a while and appreciate the simple pleasures in life, I'll stay sane and true to a self that enjoys observing human behavior time and again.

Flight's boarding now. Hope to write more when I reach my final destination.